When Aunty Myrtle went to Spain Her pleasure seeking was in vain The food had no spice Didn't taste very nice Causing excruciating pain. ---------------- When Daisy the cow threw a hissy The farmer said ' Now look here Missy !' Keep feet out of the pail Stop wagging your tail Don't be a spoiled little sissy ---------------- The Silverpeers crowd are such fun, I can't think of a rhyme. Oh bum!  (:wink:) They're witty and smart .......and so full of heart', Every Grandad and Grandmum! ---------------- When posting a joke on the net Make it funny and do not forget That clean it should be and expletive free and not something you'll live to regret........ ---------------- This rhyme is about Johnny Howard I've heard some call him a coward He thinks George is his friend .....they are both round the bend Will they leave us all unempowered? ---------------- An elderly couple, just married Looked more than a little harried I can't get it right When I get up at night - No protection needs to be carried! ---------------- A little frog sat on a stone He thought it was a throne He was looking for a wife Got the shock of his life When the stone gave out with a groan! ---------------- Dear Uncle George was off his head He was told he'd be better off dead He said "There's no hope Even if I try to call the Pope I think I'll just go back to bed ---------------- A godfather started a forum but firstly he set up a forum second, an index cups of tea and a Bex and lastly, very good thoughts of sex! ---------------- That Howard is causing a fuss He's sure an ornery old cuss If I could I would clock him But there's some that won't knock him And others wish him under a bus ---------------- It's Halloween, time of witches and goblins and ghouls and ghosts and things for scaring now what is there to gain It's for kids in the main And just gives us oldies the hobblins. ---------------- The leaves are falling and the grass is brown I think my sorrows I'll need to drown So find a nice glass And don't make a fuss Just get some vodka and chug it down ---------------- There once was a Tassie lady Who got into something quite shady. She avoided the Law After making a faux pas But landed head first in the gravy ---------------- There once a lady called Gill Who would not go on The Pill One kid came along Whew! What a pong! But it still gets the house in her will ! ---------------- There's a girl that I know who writes verse Sometimes bad and sometimes it's worse If she can't make it rhyme She just says"Oh.. blow(?).. it," 'Cause she doesn't even know how to curse. ---------------- An elderly gent from S.A. Decided he'd have a good day He had more than one beer His car slipped out of gear And he landed a mile away! ---------------- Down south in the old Apple Isle where I haven't been for a while, The scenery's pretty The natives are witty And the tourists love the lifestyle ---------------- I once took a trip to the States As I wanted to meet Bill Gates I asked him for money He said ' Help yourself honey' You'll find some in those big brown crates... ---------------- …….But when you have gathered your booty Don't think, because you're a cutie That now that you're rich No longer in the ditch You'll soon be some man's tooty fruity ---------------- Just because you think you're a looker And have the mannerisms of a hooker Your end is in sight Go off into the night So she did and a copper did book her ! ---------------- There's a moral to this sad old tale The hooker got out, she got bail She fled to the West And mixed with the best While her johns thought she was still in jail ---------------- Last night I had a strange dream I was covered with lots of whipped cream There was a cherry on my nose And I struck a winsome pose Please don't trifle with my self esteem ---------------- There was a large lady called Maud Who looked very much like a hog She went on a diet Got a room at the Hyatt And then perhaps she was bored. ---------------- A young man suspected of fraud Escaped by going abroad He took all the money And thought it was funny When he ran into that hog called Maud ---------------- Lynny was invited to a party So she took that hunk called Marty They danced and they sang Things went off with a bang As the vodka made her rather farty ---------------- One day Dawn went on a trip She thought she was about to flip When a man stole a kiss She thought ' I like this !' So she took a nip of his lip! ---------------- On a stroll in the park one day A gorgeous guy looked my way He looked like a singer And a bit of a swinger But I'll bet you a million he's gay! ---------------- A bird sang sweetly in a tree And underneath sat little me The bird took aim... I was right in the frame And Rhymer howled loudly with glee!! ---------------- Bill Gates sat in his counting house Rejoicing he had so much nous Poor chap couldn't see That we might disagree And think he's a frightful louse! ---------------- While watching the famous Dr Who, I thought I could be his sidekick I'd do a good job and I'd sniffle, not sob But must I use "oo" here or "ick"? ---------------- One day I went for a ride on a bike with a bell on the side I painted it green so it could be seen But I fell off and dented my pride ---------------- One day I rode on a horse Which should have been served up with sauce He stepped in a hole And killed a small mole so they shot him for dog meat, of course! ---------------- I could have been famous and rich If my voice could stay on perfect pitch But I sing like a crow Yeh! we already know Some people are really a bitch! ---------------- There's much ado in this poor crazy land But not all follow the bumbling bush band I'll long for a much happier tune And take a good dose of prune Then I'll probably go splat on the sand ---------------- Our President is in his final days We're not surprised and not amazed He's had his fun The son of a gun And left the people shocked and dazed ---------------- Our politicians argue and fight and somehow they can't get it right All those snivelling grubs Ginning all day in pubs And yakking on drunk through the night ---------------- The Honourable Member for Tring Said a most derogatory thing Mr Speaker said 'No', that is really bad show and for that Sir, your hook you can sling. ---------------- It is neither one thing nor another but if I should ever get my 'druther' I'll sell all I own abandon the frown and show my all on Big Brother ---------------- One day when I went to the shops to look for some brooms and some mops I tripped on a crack Hit my nose, smack then somebody called the cops. ---------------- I invited my friends for dinner A doctor, a nurse and a sinner The sinner chose steak The nurse was a fake Dr Strangelove I thought was a winner ---------------- Little star, why do you twinkle? Wondering why makes my brow wrinkle I have wondered so long why your light is so strong as you sprinkle your crinkle and twinkle -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back to: HOME         Back to: Hobbies & Games

We just had a nice drop of rain But to orchardists it was a real pain The ground turned to mud In this afternoon's flood But I think on the whole 'twas a gain ---------------- I love to eat too much chocolate I can never get enough - well, not yet It ups my libido 'Til I just can't say ' No' I guess that's the reason I never get let! ---------------- Up in the sky, shining so bright A strange phenomenon in the night Could it be Santa? Rudolph out for a canter? No, just a spy satellite ---------------- A rocketship landed on Mars Carrying people escaping from Sars A town they would build With babes would be filled From sperm they found in old jam jars ---------------- There once was a very strange riddle About an old and valuable fiddle It played a good tune About the moon and June And her problem when wanting a widdle! ---------------- When Horace fell through the floorboards, He came across something untowards He took one look Came over crook It was all bent up; and sore-d! ---------------- I was told to 'get with the programme' For behind the times is what I am Things are fine as they are There's time for a jar! Let's play 78's on the phonogram ---------------- A girl took a walk in a wood Because she was feeling so good She met this nice guy Who said "Come and lie But remove that ridiculous hood ---------------- An old lady sat on a park bench In her hands she had a hammer and wrench Was she up to no good ? She just thought that she should Fix the drains just because of the stench ---------------- Her husband thought she had gone mad But she told him; Edgar I'm sad It's that time of my life I don't want to be wife I'd rather run wild with a cad. ---------------- When building castles in the air Just make sure you have long hair 'cause up in your tower you have no power To get a hairdresser into your lair! ---------------- A great debate was held at the site To find out if maybe we might Have a really wild orgy With Bess and with Porgy To last all day and all night ---------------- When Harrison Ford rode a horse He would often say" Of Course " I do this part time And if I don't get a fine I'll take some young fillies by force. -------------------- One day Lynny went to a dance Did the twist and down fell her pants Her face was quite red Her dance partner fled And she went away in a trance --------------- Was on the good ship Venus My gosh you should of seen us We sailed the ship North And the crew set forth To catch a Whale between us ------------------ I once met a man who was happy A marvellous thing for a chappie But what made him happy I dare not reveal It surely wasn't his sex appeal Cos the big sooky still wears a nappy ------------------ Along the dusty lane he walked And to himself he talked Mutter, mutter, then a splutter..... "I musta bin an utter nutter To drink from wine that had been corked!" ------------------ There was a poor girl, badly frightened By a man who should be enlightened He was wearing no pants Had been bitten by ants but his libido was still very heightened! ------------------ A man stood on the burning deck Wishing he had gone to tech His pants were on fire Flames crept even higher And burnt his credentials to heck ------------------ When taking a trip out at sea There's always a great urge to pee So take with you, a potty and a wee little swatty In case you get a bit on the knee ------------------ A sprightly young reindeer named Rudolph Developed a terrible flu cough He coughed and splattered you see Then he fell on one knee And asked Santa for the day off! ------------------ I once had a role in a play It was about poofters and gay I had the starring part Until I let out a fart And was kindly sent on my way ------------------ She was stopped by the side of the road by a man who then opened his coat "My God!" the lass cried "It can't be denied" "It's much larger than the one on the toad!" ------------------ Applause for the ladies playing these games Those who drop by and familiar names And applause for contributing gents Those with similar bents! For playing around with us dames ! ------------------ A gentleman that we all know, who is scared of fire and snow Uses crystals, and knits..... If your looking ,he flits And rocks on his heels to and fro ------------------ There was an old guy in plaid pants He had borrowed them from his pal Hans "My God", he said "these are tight!" And I fear they just might Do something fraught to my glans! ------------------ There was an old dame by the sea Who tripped and fell to one knee A lad tried to save her Tattoo and engrave her All for a whopping great fee! ------------------ Our hero was tall and so sweet The girls thought he was quite a treat Dark was his hair Complexion so fair But you should see the size of his feet! ------------------ There once was a lady quite tall Whose boobs were really quite small She never needed a bra That's why her thingies were raw And her g-string hid nothing at all ------------------ There once was a child of the light Who crept out of the house in the night Said "I want the moon! And it better be soon Or I'll yell and scream with all of my might!" ------------------ There once was a man from Venus Who came here, and after he'd seen us Put his thumb to his nose And struck a wry pose And exposed his Venutian penis ----------------- There was a wise man in Nepal Who thought that he knew it all But regretfully not He knew not a jot But at least he was handsome and tall ---------------- He whistled at a lady of the night In the hope that with luck he might Get something for free But between you and me when he saw she was old he took flight ---------------- Two sailors were home on shore leave They walked with a wobble and weave Two long months on the ocean Had given them motion and the flat land was making them heave ---------------- There was a young lady named Polly Who was really awfully jolly She would laugh till she cried sometimes nearly died When she looked at her twin sister Molly ---------------- A guy with a gun robbed a store He tripped as he ran out the door Fell flat on his nose Broke two of his toes So he won't be robbin' no more! ---------------- Said Sarah, who used to be pretty I've faded, but still I am witty I like my gray hair overcome some despair And don't need anyone's pity ---------------- If you cross a dog with a cat It will bark and chase a rat Its whiskers will quiver And body will shiver Better turn it into a prayer mat ---------------- Once I started to write a story, it was full of blood and full of gory. Everyone was shot dead, Had bats in the head, And I got not one whit of fame and glory! ---------------- From the sea this tall man came With a dog who seemed to be lame he played a tune all afternoon The dog was cured and danced into fame. ---------------- This tall woman came from the sea In her hand was a golden key She paid a penny (She hadn't many) And got herself a great cup of tea! --------------------------------------------------------------------------     Forward to:  Limericks (2)

Collaborative Limericks from our forum                         Page  (1) The following pages contain all the collaborative limericks from our forum's games section. A collaborative limerick is when visitors only write one line each. It requires five people to complete each of the limericks. Take your time and browse through these compositions. I am certain that some of the limericks will provide you with a smile if not a good belly laugh. Come and join our forum where you can help to create more limericks and/or have fun playing some of the other word and memory games. It costs nothing to have a go and we would be delighted to make you welcome…….webmaster.                                     ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~