SILVERPOETS    -    WINNERS  CIRCLE                                                      Page 2 January 2006 SUNDAY TELE What a load of - say no more - is Sunday TV viewin'. I'd rather turn the damn thing off and hear the neighbours bluein'. At least each domestic stands alone, I've never heard a repeat. The subject can be the Sunday roast, or the hubby's smelly feet. I just can't think the neighbour's wife loves him like she use ta, 'cos today I heard her yell at him "Get off me, you randy rooster!" And he's not all he's cracked up to be, if his answer's ought to go by - "Get back to bed, you dozey cow, or I'll black yer other eye." No wonder the kids are all on drugs, and the dog is a blithering cur. And the cat left home - she lives with me 'cos they bloody near strangled her. Well that whiled away another day I've survived without me tele. Oh hell! The wife just told the bloke she knows he's on with Sally. Just who the hell this Sally is is anybody's guess, but if wifey catches up with her, her face will be a mess, 'cos wifey vowed to have her. If she could she'd do it Monday. Can't wait for next week's episode come Sunday, bloody Sunday!                              by Dusty Dolan                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Judge's comments: A good performance piece, quite unstilted, with the voices of two neighbours and also of the listener. At the end the poem is wrapped up by the ending linking with the opening, but between there is plenty happening.  We are given far more than a picture;  the sense of sound figures strongly in the poem - a refreshing change from the ordinary.  In fact we are told nothing about the scene, yet the telling is so skilful that the imagery is there. We are not only given an insight into the neighbours' personalities, but also into the listener's personality, and thoughts.  The neighbours' name-calling does the same work for a poem as does metaphor, bringing it alive. There is a great mixture of action, imagery and musing, yet focus is well maintained. Character is maintained with unadulterated use of the vernacular.  The meter of 4/3/4/3 is constant. There are cases of alliteration and internal rhyme, such as 'Well that whiled away another day'.   All these devices seem to come from a naturally poetic mind, rather than being inserted artificially. A rare talent. Congratulations! Winner's choice of prize : Music DVD  " Country Legends" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- February  2006 NIGHT COACH Power lines, Threading the night With monotony. White picket fence Glaring and unfriendly. Yellow road lights Lined up, at attention. Skeletal trees With leafy topknots Bend in coy intrigue Towards the road, Fleeting illusion of menace. Truck convoy, Red lights threatening. Coach lights sidewinding Dusty trees and posts. Cottage lights, occasional, Blinking out, and in, With time and distance. Warm, inviting Longing thoughts of home. Trucker stop, White lights, Harsh and glaring, Brief lit window On another world. Sleeping town, With black and silent river, What secrets do you hide? Coach terminal, And a brief activity And on-to where? I cannot see ahead To where I go. Only sideways, out a window At where I might go Might be, might have been, But mostly I see Reflection of me On a coach, In the night Going somewhere.                             by  Dawn                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Judge's Comments: The opening 3 lines are almost a haiku - a moment keenly perceived, in less than 17 syllables. Many older 'rules' have been superseded for haiku. The metaphor of powerlines being threads monotonously stitching the night is original and appealing. Personification is effective. The world outside the bus is not just a passing scene, but peopled with living beings, and the reader is allowed to feel their effect. White picket fences can look unfriendly, road lights do line up with military precision, and the imagery of the trees with their fleeting illusion of menace is excellent! How often have we felt threatened by the lights of a truck convoy. And in the swinging headlights of a bus, briefly glimpsed part of someone else's world? We identify with the passenger, and feel we are involved.                                                                                                                  The poem is full of action and imagery. Try reading it aloud and you will hear a natural rhythm, with lovely cadences like:                                                                                                                  "Sleeping town          with black and silent river,          what secrets do you hide?" Hear too the echoed sound in:                                                                                                                             "… I might go,          might be, might have been,          but mostly I see          reflection of me." And the parallel phrases in:                                                                                                                   "on a coach,          in the night" That is not all there is to the poem - it progresses as scenery evokes thoughts and wonderings. The poem becomes philosophical, but not burdened by it. The analogy of not being able to see the road ahead is very effective - the passenger is going where the bus takes her, not where other possibilities lie. All she can be sure of is herself, and an unknown future. The reader is given cause to think about his/her own condition - an excellent closure. This poem would be a strong contender in any competition - unless the requirements are for something different in the way of subject or form, of course.                                  Congratulations for excellent work! Winner's choice of prize:    CD "Portrait of Sumi Jo". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back to:  HOME     Back to: Hobbies & Games  Back to: Silverpoets (1)   Forward to: Silverpoets (3)