SILVERPOETS    -    WINNERS  CIRCLE                     Page 5 August 2006:                                                           God's Waiting Room God's waiting room will have to wait I'm not quite ready yet He wants you once old age sets in Though my mind's already set I haven't finished everything Too much life is left to sweat. I see many people wasting life As if sitting on the fence Are they watching others? I wonder quietly 'Are they dense'? Life is short or so they tell us But I'm a long way from that bench. I dream of life that lies ahead It will be full of fun Excitement round the corner Adventure still to come My body may be aging Could I please have it undone? I have always loved a challenge Age has not deterred I'm focused on the future The end I have deferred God's waiting room will have to wait I'm blessed if he has heard?                                    by  Denise  Scanlan                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Judge's Comments: A catchy opening line takes the reader's attention immediately. The poem then proceeds rhythmically with alternating 3 and 4 feet lines, arranged in stanzas of 6 lines each, using unforced rhyme. There is a positive message here for the reader, couched in humour. But what particularly attracted me to this poem is the use of sound, perhaps used unconsciously as often the case with the poetic mind! In the first half of the first stanza we hear the sound W echoing in waiting, wait, quite, wants, once. In the second half of that verse the focus changes, and we hear V, F and T echoing . As the poem reflects these two aspects the same sounds are echoed again and again. The writer is focused on the future, a life full of fun. Yet the alliteration is not so obvious, not so heavy as that, but more subtle. The final line is one which makes us pause in thought. 'I'm blessed if he has heard' could be taken as 'If he has heard then I'm truly blessed.' Or more colloquially 'I'm blessed if I know whether he's heard or not!' But then there is the question mark, another cause for thought! Well done! Winner's choice of prize:  CD "The Boy From Oz" starring Hugh Jackman ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------                              SILVERPEERS Birthday Competition: September 2006 - Subject:  "NATURE" Here are the two winning entries for our Birthday competition. MOONLIGHT Last night there was a play, The greatest ever seen. The first act Was on the horizon. A delicate, faintly yellow glow Taunting the clouds to play. The ridge of trees That made the horizon Were silhouetted In the cold, gold, glow. She rose so gracefully, Playfully. So fast! Cold black clouds Fat with bitter rain Moved to send her back. But she rose anyway, In utter glory. The second act Was just above the horizon This glowing orb, Fought for the game, Playing tag with enemy cloud, The sky black Without a star In dazzling competition. Her cold gold Edging all the players, Forever changing As they rose toward the heavens With steely grace and pride. Breaking free, she would again Rise to embrace black cloud. The final act, All passion spent All haste at last was gone Her glory quiet, Her battle won, She walked in all her beauty Across a sky of victory. Swollen clouds below Still waiting for her fall. Ages have watched this nightly clash All myth and legend obvious. This feminine, eternal goddess Still blesses night with light. This night, this sky, Is her domain.                                      by  Dawn McDonald                ********************* ************************************************************************************ AN EVERLASTING PASSION I've a love that's all consuming It grips my aching heart Thriving on the warmth of passion This land I love and will not part To understand my feelings Cast your mind to what I say Imagine it's my lover Set your mind ... don't let it stray. A lover gives us memories Not all we wish to share But the Territory is different You'll see how much I care I long to touch the ground and trees Where warmth and dry abound The bulldust soft and gentle Lying spread upon the ground To smell the dust and native trees Dry from lack of rain Familiar as ones perfume My leaving caused me pain The setting sun so perfect For me alone it shines Like a lovers deep and trusting eyes This sight I left behind. The tide comes in upon the rocks A massage of the mind Relaxed and calm it makes me feel Stress and tension it unwinds A gentle breeze upon my face Its warmth a soft caress Touched by nature in this way I feel that I've been blessed To stand upon this barren land Alone as you would see But in my heart it's different The Territory is there around me I feel the breeze......I sense its smell Watched over by the sun My passions everlasting The Territory and I are one.                     by  Denise  Scanlan @ 2006 Judge's comments: *Thanks to all for all the entries received. It was sad to lay some aside that were not on the subject of 'Nature', which is what we were looking for this time. But the two poems chosen are worthy of their place. In both of them I found interesting opening lines, imagery which included action, and restrained alliteration. Both created an atmosphere. Denise made good use of simile, and of sounds - notably the highly effective L - and used good rhyme and rhythm. What I particularly like about her poem is the feel and the smell of warmth and softness in the dust, and on the breeze. Dawn's poem has a good progression, from one aspect to another, without losing focus. Personification works very well, and the sense of coldness. There is assonance such as in cold, gold, glow. I like the description of the rain as bitter, and the echoing and parallel phrases of 'all passion...all haste...' and 'her glory quiet, her battle won'. The closure moves away from description to thoughtfulness. Well done. Congratulations to both poets!................................. Dreamweaver. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A big "Thank You!" to everybody for sending us your very clever and entertaining submissions. Congratulations to the two winners for some wonderful poetry. We are extremely proud of being associated with such fantastic talent. We also appreciate the work of Dreamweaver for judging the competition in a fair and balanced manner. Thanks to all, you are wonderful friends! ------ (webmaster)   Prize selections: Dawn McDonald -  DVD  "Dad's Army" Series 5                                 Denise Scanlan   -  Book "Australian Serial Killers"  by  Paul Kidd --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back to: HOME Back to: Hobbies and Games     Back to: Silverpoets (4)     Forward to: Silverpoets (6)