SILVERPOETS    -    WINNERS  CIRCLE                     Page 6   October  2006: Techno Fear  (on being given a mobile phone)                                      I've got a mobile phone -                                    it's a mystery to me. I ate a pack of biscuits and drank ten cups of tea while trying to work out which buttons I should press I was rushing to the toilet and suffering from stress I've got a mobile phone - it's a wonderful device. I've had to use the land line to ring my son up twice for it's got a message bank but what's predictive text ? I've numbers in my contacts but what do I do next ? I've got a mobile phone. It's not an automatic which it really ought to be for this technogeriatric                            by  Lyn  Beesley                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Judge's comments: A well focused poem that is both humorous and addresses a real problem. The reader can identify with facing problems of technology, whether in mobile phones or elsewhere. The subject is novel, and interest is maintained throughout.  The author does not just tell us of her confusion and stress, but shows us by her actions and thoughts, and in imagery. Alliteration is not overdone; there's just a comfortable amount, as in ten/tea, suffering/stress, and land/line, while both rhythm and rhyme sound natural. The poem progresses through stages. First is the overwhelming stress of where to start, then particulars arise in an effort to work it out, and finally an opinion expressed makes a great closure. Congratulations! Winner's choice of prize:   CD  "Operatunity OZ" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 2006:                          Christmas theme competition RESERVATIONS ON A CHRISTMAS LUNCH 'Twas Christmas Day in the wigwam; the Squaws were making a stew, which consisted of salted Pemmican and a sirloin of Caribou. Old Sitting Bull was delighted, he hadn't eaten on moons. The Christmas hunt had been blighted; not even a brace of Loons. He'd returned from the forest dejected; no meat for the festive lunch. Not an Elk, nor a Bison detected, not even a Moose chop to munch. The sun had come up and departed thrice times while he hunted his prey. So he made his way home heavy hearted with nothing to eat Christmas Day. But, at home whilst our Brave was a-canter, his Squaw had a thought, what to do and she'd written a letter to Santa to ask for a nice caribou. When Santa received the epistle it put him in quite a spin, so he called Rudolph in with a whistle and put this question to him. "Is there anything left of old Cari"? Rudolph paled as he thought of his friend. They'd been pulling the sleigh over Surrey when poor Cari had met with his end. It seems they were heavily laden with canies and presents for kids; and they weren't aware it was modern so solar heat homes through glass lids. Poor Cari had no education; he didn't know glass roofs were frail, so he pulled up without hesitation, steering course with the wag of his tail. And so, on the eve of that Christmas poor Cari was cut to the quick; when they carried him home he was listless. Indeed, he was feeling quite sick. By morning his soul had departed. No more Christmas sleighs would he pull, so his carcass was cut up and carted to the wigwam of Chief Sitting Bull.  Indeed, 'twas a merry old dinner, with enough left for caribou soup, and Chief Sitting Bull's sated inner gave Santa his thanks with a burp!                               by Maggs                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Judge's comments: From an attention taking opening line this poem proceeds with a quite original theme for Christmas!  It is a story told in perfect rhythm and rhyme, with a well presented layout. Although using the flash back technique of story writing, the poem remains focused. In the line 'he made his way home heavy hearted' we hear not only the alliteration, but the sound of dejected sighing. Also in 'not even a moose chop to munch' we hear the sound of the imagined munching.  This is no mere painting of a scene, but full of action, and progresses well to a satisfying closing line. Congratulations! ....................Dreamweaver Winner's choice of prize:   CD  "IL DIVO" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- December 2006: The Old Station The ghosts of Iron Horses haunt        The station in the glade. The shrill scream of escaping steam   Must still these walls pervade.  She's there, if one should care to look!        Deserted and downcast.  Half-hidden now and overgrown-         A portal to the past.    A passport to a place in time       A world that once I knew, These great trees that were saplings then,      Now shield her from our view.  They hide the rot and peeling paint     The broken window's stare, The ancient litter on the platform        Blowing here and there.    Grass clogs the idle right-of-way       The rails are red with rust  And unseen wraiths  gaze down the tracks      From windows streaked with dust. They strain to hear that whistle's moan      Borne by the vagrant breeze. But all is silent, save the birds      Up nesting in the trees.  The old station is derelict     Its shutters swing awry. And holes up on the rotting roof       Are open to the sky! She waits, year after endless year,      Unwitting of her fate!  She's waiting for the next train,  But the next train's running late...             by  Frank Halliwell                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Judge's comments: The opening line of this poem takes our interest, and immediately alerts us as to what sort of poem to expect. The derelict station, which could be situated anywhere in the world, allows our imagination to create its background. The description of the station is in rhythm and rhyme, which are effective elements of poetry, especially here where the rhyme is faultless. With personification the station becomes 'she', and the use of the heavy D sounds in deserted and downcast create an atmosphere of despondency. Also the S sounds of 'shrill scream of escaping steam' help us to imagine the actual sound.  A poem of such format is always comfortable to read. Congratulations................... Dreamweaver Winner's choice of prize:  CD "The Main Event" with John Farnham, Olivia Newton-John and                                                  Anthony Warlow. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back to: HOME     Back to: Hobbies and Games   Back to: Silverpoets (5)   Forward to: Silverpoets (7)